Happy Monday friends! I’m super excited to announce that after lots of thinking and hesitation, I have decided to take Wavy Girls a step further- say hello to WavyGirls.com! I’ve got a lot of content brewing up for this year and I cannot wait to have you all join me on this journey. I was super fearful about doing this: I was wary about the praise I’d received and worried that I was just creating mediocre content (still not 100% convinced that I’m not, but that’s for another post), but after lots of reflection I decided to believe in myself and give it a shot. I’ve decided to invest in this project of mine just as I hope you all take the plunge and invest in your own!
I’d like to point out though that investing in yourself isn’t just a monetary move- it requires A LOT of self-reflection and re-aligning your goals. I found myself delving really deep into myself trying to figure out what was it that I really wanted to do. I love motivating people, especially women of color, and while I had started this platform I knew I wasn’t doing all that I possibly could with it. I had so much motivation and advantages, but I realized that some of my toxic tendencies were stopping me from reaching my full potential. Does this ring a bell? Of these toxic tendencies, I decided to talk about five really big ones that I’m sure will sound familiar to some of you and that you need to drop ASAP.
1. The Tendency to Be in Control
You always hear me talk about this one. Why? Because I am probably the world’s biggest control freak, and because it continues to be my fatal flaw. There’s a certain satisfaction in believing your plans will unfold exactly as you imagined and in knowing exactly how you will react to certain events, except the world is unpredictable. Face it: what kind of boring world would we live in if everything went exactly as we expected it to, with no surprises or mistakes? Yawn. When things go wrong, not only are you doing yourself a disservice by wasting your time stressing out instead of adapting, you’re also not allowing yourself to be open to different possibilities or options. Find a balance between being prepared and being flexible, and start to become comfortable with the idea of creating structure out of chaos.
2. The Tendency to Fix People
Want to know what’s more boring than a perfectly predictable world? Perfectly predictable people. When it comes to friendships, relationships, and family, people are not perfect and sometimes you have to be okay with that. The energy you are exerting into trying to “fix” someone is not just wasteful, it’s toxic. In trying to “fix” someone you’re not only positioning yourself as superior to that person, but you’re also implying that there’s nothing about yourself that needs to be fixed first (which, no matter how amazing you are, is simply not true). Your friends’ personalities and behaviors are not up for debate, and if you believe that there’s a certain aspect of your relationship that is non-negotiable then there is no other choice but to let them go and let them be. Stop stressing over other peoples’ financial decisions, relationship choices, and questionable habits and analyze why you feel the need to improve someone else other than yourself.
3. The Tendency to Resent
Based on my own experience, nothing really sets you free like forgiving someone who has wronged you. When you hold onto resentment you shift your energy towards trying to fix a definite past rather than taking the opportunity to cultivate it to create a more beautiful future for yourself; it holds you back from any possible change. I used to weirdly feel pride in being the type of person who held on to the tiniest grudges and would get stuck thinking about past scenarios for hours until I realized I was literally not gaining anything from it- you have no control over what happened yesterday, but you are in full control of your current reaction towards it and what behavior you will employ in future instances. You have to make the active choice to stop giving people who’ve hurt you take up space in your mind; you’d be surprised at the amount of positivity that can replace that gap.
4. The Tendency to Fear
Fear is resentment’s friend; they both plot against your personal and professional growth, except fear is the sneakier of the pair and harder to distinguish. You have to constantly make the conscious effort to analyze whether your decisions are driven by logic or by a fear of change, or else you risk the chance of staying static. Amazon would’ve never existed if Jeff Bezos didn’t leave his high-salary hedge fund job to explore the novelty that was the Internet at the time. Comfort will not get you very far in life. Don’t equate this to taking risks every single day, but cosider the haunting what if’s in the future if you don’t try something that’s calling your name.
5. The Tendency to Get Tunnel Vision
Have you ever become so set on a certain goal that you completely ignore the different avenues that sprout from its path? It’s completely normal to become so determined to reach a specific dream that you get tunnel vision, but this kind of mindset freeze eliminates the opportunity to explore other possibilities that may have the potential to offer more than what you initially planner for. You may consider the fact that there are so many different ways to achieve one single objective, but sometimes you also have to reconsider the initial objective. As I said before, life is unpredictable, and while you can have your whole life planned out on paper the actuality is that the future that is meant for you is the complete opposite. How can you take full advantage of this uncertainty? By allowing yourself to be both flexible and open to options. Accept that not everything will go as you intended and be receptive to new possibilities, because what’s meant to be will find its way to be.